Instructions for not being seen.
1.
Strap bosom down
2.
Wear baggy clothes
3.
Have neutral coloured hair
4.
Wear flat shoes, never high heels
5.
Look down
6.
Expose little flesh
7.
Be silent
8.
Keep elbows in
9.
Wear neutral coloured clothes
10.
Keep knees together
11.
Stay inside after dark
12.
Be over fifty and female
13.
Do nothing unusual
14.
Don’t sing
15.
Don’t catch anyone’s eye
16.
Don’t whoop
17.
Don’t swear immediately and loudly at people who misjudge
18.
Don’t cavort in a lamplit piazza with a disfiguring facial scar on singing
selections from opera in three different languages.
19.
Don’t ignore the rules of etiquette by drinking from the milkjug and
banging the cup on the table next to its saucer but not in it and allowing
the dog, Pip, to eat the cake crumbs from the plate while lighting up a
cigarette in the No Smoking section.
20.
Don’t wear bottle green legless tights with pink and black striped ankle
socks and high heeled shoes with crossover laces and a pink paisley patterned
wraparound dress revealing pale blue see-through underwear, and bright red
lipstick and a mass of blonde hair piled on top of your head, whatever age.
21. never show up.
22. always sit or stand with your back to the door.
23. go about your daily business head down.
24. pretend you are someone else.
25. use a decoy.
26. be a decoy.
27. wear a mask.
28. don’t seek fame, become a hermit.
29. invent a cloaking device.
