I wouldn’t dream of coming to work in trousers it just wouldn’t feel right

 

Who is speaking

is this her own tongue

is this her mouth

is that a smile

what is there to smile about?

 

who made her who

cut her hair so gently who

made her

make-up

makes me

feel special

feel like mutton dressed up as lamb

feel set for the day

feel more cheerful

feel right in a short skirt

feel so much nicer

feel more secure

feel like your body’s not your own anymore

feels the bones of her inner ear throbbing

 

who is she speaking to?

 

whatever state you are in you should

be contented

be silent

be one of the crowd

be someone else or use a decoy

be a decoy

never show up and keep your elbows in

don’t sing or whoop or say anything

invent a cloaking device and sit or stand with your back to the door

wear a mask and flat shoes and don’t

wear bottle green legless tights with pink and black striped ankle socks and high heeled shoes with cross over laces and a pink patterned wraparound dress revealing pale blue see through underwear and bright red lipstick and a mass of yellow hair piled on top of your head whatever your age

don’t ignore the rules      what rules?

who is speaking?

 

 

what is listening

what is weight

what is stillness

what is sleeping

what is breathing

what is beating

what is balance

what is it like to stand

what is it like to stand on one leg all day?

 

I don’t think we pay enough attention to our feet

I moisturise mine every morning and every night

they are like leaves vegetables maps of lakes

and if the second toe is longer than the first

then you have the feet of a ballet dancer

but a long small narrow foot makes you difficult

to fit

 

what is it like to fit?

 

part 2 – probably I can’t fly as fast but man I can still fly

 

because if you’re not dressed the same as everybody else you get picked on

because she is beautiful as a butterfly

because I am too fat and happy

because I’m not used to that at all

because I have silver toenails

because of magazines we have bulimia and anorexia

because she was big but light as a feather on the dance floor

because I have acne they come up to me and give me advice

because I’m victoria beckham – I don’t care

because I am growing

because I am shrinking

because people don’t see them as much as our faces our hands

because I like my nails they’re my favourite bit of of me

because everybody needs to be different

because there are more important things than straightening my hair

because I’m so tired I just can’t think about myself

because I just want to be a cat – somebody take me and stroke me

because I didn’t like losing control

because I am my own butterfly

because I had to let nature take over

because it was weird

because I’m not used to that

because I just feel all lumpy and tired

because I am so heavy

because I am so vast

because I dream myself a planet of skin

because I am so dark

because I am fragile

because I am unfathomable and may end dangerously

 

what do you see when you look beyond yourself?

 

because they are very thin

because they have very straight hair

because they put me on this diet

because they call you a tramp

because they say your man can’t afford it

because they have to have the right clothes

because they put make up on her

because they wanted to

because they didn’t see her size

because they just get covered in milk

because not everyone thinks kate moss is beautiful

 

whose eyes are they?

 

what is it like to cry

what is it like to laugh

what is it like to gargle

what is it like to dance

what is it like to shiver

what is it like to itch

what is it like to tear

what is it like to clap

what is it like to run

what is it like to sit

what is it like to lie

 

part 3 if I sit indoors the wall come in on me and I’m not strong enough to push it back

 

in an imagined place

a locked room

cut off from everything

 

in the silver egg of the mirror

she turns

in the looking glass eye

she turns

in the fable of the river

she turns and turns again

her skin burns

w/ anxiety her feet echo

& dull pulses thud like the beginning

of rain

 

are you wearing the dress

or is the dress wearing you?

 

where has her body gone?

 

fallen into the world of the mirror

through a net of trees & trechery

see the world has caught the pieces

of her passing through this element

she remains many shadows

outlines of herself

appear in the skin

of the water appear

in the light she is

surfacing surfacing

 

what lies here?

 

mermaid-naked on the rocks

hair caught in the sky

skin caught in the razor

a woman’s body found

 

the body as currency

the body count

the body flaunted

the body in the wrong clothes

the soft plump body of the rich

the body that does not work

the body that does not earn money

the body of fiction

 

 

part 4 what you see is what you get

 

but I would be so small and tiny that no one could see me

 

I would like to be a tiger

I would like to be a swan

I would like to be a lion

I would like to be an ant

I would like to be a cat

I would like to be

 

green eyes

red birth mark

hazel eyes

glasses and the frames purple

full pink lips

blue mascara

smooth movements

nose small                                 

sleek cool golden

hair sparse                               

elegant confident

hair funky                                 

independant

brown fine hair                            

light footed

pink lipstick                             

nimble

blue eyeshadow

it makes me feel more cheerful

brown skinned                              

blue eye lashes

smaller straighter nose 

I quite like the kink in my nose

 

the face that I always draw

 

used to go to a gym

go running nearly every day

do singing and plays

dance rock n roll calypso limbo

climb trees like the boys

dress up in high heeled shoes and had a 24” waist

just get up and start

cycled 40 miles return

used to think I’d still be dancing when I was 90

 

well there’s just some things you can’t wear once you get past a certain age, aren’t there?

 

Part 5

 

What are the things you can’t wear and at what ages?

 

a suit of armour

fig leaves

coconut shell bras

glass slippers

fish tails

grass skirt

a red cloak

…………to be continued